But now we've been living in Germany for nearly nine months, and I'm finding, just like with every other move, that I'm not all that great at figuring out where I fit in my new home and I'm a little slow to bloom. While there's always plenty to DO and I'm never ever bored, I do get lonely. Facebook offers some interaction. Even though social media has more pitfalls that I care to describe, I do appreciate its ability to keep me at least somewhat connected to humanity, mitigating my impulse to become a total recluse. That said, sometimes I just have too many words. Occasionally I'll send some ridiculously long email to a friend, detailing the conflicts within my heart while also trying to express the joys we're experiencing in our journey to make our new home. The catch is that, even though my own life and social commitments are sort of stalled, everyone else's have continued on (as they should). As much as my loneliness and fragile emotions long to hear back from them immediately and in similar detail, I also would feel horrible if the time they took to do so took them away from their in-person interactions and obligations.
So instead, I guess that leaves blogging--kind of an open letter to anyone who is interested in the musings of a misfit American abroad.
So here I am! We arrived in Germany last August, and acclimation has been rougher than we expected. We struggled for almost two solid months to find a house, and while we love the location, the house itself has been a significant challenge. We have struggled to find a church home, and our isolation from other believers has been painful, discouraging, has left us confused about our purpose here, and it has been a constant source of concern about how to adequately meet the spiritual needs of our family. Between the struggle to make our house a home and to be spiritually at home here, I've discovered and tap-danced all over the very limits of my own strength, motivation, and resolve to be optimistic. While I can see there's been significant progress since we first arrived, my momentum and enthusiasm have waned, and it's a lot harder for me to see where or how things will get better "if I just keep _(fill in the blank)_." Most days, I feel like I'm drowning.
That's the raw truth, but as is true with most things in life, it's not actually that simple or cut-and-dried. Maybe I can process through some of it as I also get back into writing here...and maybe I'll intersperse those posts with backdated catch-up posts of our final year in England. Maybe that will help me find a healthy balance with reflecting back; too much reminiscing hinders forward movement and breeds discontent, but too little reflection can rob you of lessons and reasons and joys that can motivate perseverance.
