2020: Uncertainty, Limitations, Newness, and Grace

I logged into this space on a whim and caught up on started-but-unpublished posts for a while. This one never was completed, but it's a pretty good 30,000 ft. flyover of the year 2020...so I'm going to go ahead an just make it public. Maybe I'll get back into writing here? (I do miss it.) Likely I'll continue to reserve most of my picture posting for Facebook, simply because it's so much faster and easier. SO, written in March of 2021, this reflects some of the ways we saw God moving and providing just *before* our family grew through guardianship and then adoption...

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 I have been planning various posts in my head for weeks and weeks. I *should* have just broken it down into small chunks and posted as life was happening, but the longer I waited, the more important it seemed to include everything.

God has provided for us in some amazing ways over the past many months. (I mean, He ALWAYS does, but some seasons of life are almost like a fireworks display of miraculous grace.) Nine years ago, I went through a similar season with many unknowns and many accompanying fears. My friend (who had been through something very similar in her own life) encouraged me to just keep turning to Christ in the uncertainty and not to worry--I would see His story of grace. She was 100% right then, and I feel so grateful to have walked through another daunting (but beautiful) plot where God's glory was blazing everywhere. 2020 has been a surreal year so far for most of the world! I won't pretend I'm unique or that our family is the only one that's faced difficulties. There are so many out there who have been placed on a path darker and more treacherous than any portion of ours. But I want to share pieces of our story so that you can rejoice with me over the beauty of Christ that is sometimes most visible during seasons of trial and darkness. At the end of September, Scott will have completed 22 years of honorable service in the United States Air Force! 2020 also would mark the end of our four year assignment at Geilenkirchen NATO Air Base in Germany and the finale to our eight years of military adventures in Europe. It would be a crossroads for him, career-wise. Advancement in the military required sacrifices that no longer were justifiable for our family; but the Air Force was also the only way of life we'd known as adults and as a family. Retiring and moving on to something else looked scary and strange. Since we knew the transition back to life in America would be a significant one even without a change of career, our plan generally settled onto the assumption that we'd take one more USAF assignment back to the U.S., then start the retirement process and start looking for work.

But then, through a neighbor friend in Germany, a civilian job in the field Scott's degree and interests fall materialized. By February, everything looked pretty promising. We were just waiting for the official offer with specific numbers for the salary and benefits, a necessity before we officially filed all the paperwork to expedite retirement from the military. Finally, all of that came through and paperwork was filed and the waiting began...but then pandemic life brought everything to a screeching halt as Covid-19 exploded in Europe and the U.S. and the rest of the world. The base was shut down; the offices that process retirement orders in the U.S. were shut down; there was no movement, and there were no answers. We waited through the rest of March and April with no news and watched our hopes of a visit for Scott to the factory he'd be working at evaporate. There would be no househunting trip. And with orders stalled, maybe there wouldn't even be a move. We pursued online househunting anyway, trying to be as prepared for all possible scenarios. Covid did us a solid in that all churches were streaming full services online, not just sermons. This enabled us to get a jump start on church-searching, too. We tuned into our chapel service in the morning, and then we watched 2-3 Stateside services in the afternoon/early evening. Through this, we settled on three places we knew we'd want to visit once we moved--if that should still occur. Orders did finally come through. Two of the three churches we were interested in responded to my emails, and one of the pastors connected us with another prior Air Force family in his congregation. That family was God's hands and feet to us in so many ways. It turned out they lived just down the street from one of the houses we were looking at. (We'll call them the L family.) They knew a real estate agent who could let them into the home so they could do a video walk-through with us. They scoped out several other houses for us as well. We found a realtor of our own in the meantime, and she did video walk-throughs of several homes for us, but we kept coming back to the first home the L family helped us look at. It had been on the market for over a year, which was incredibly odd and somewhat disconcerting in the existing housing market. (Often, we'd see a house online, call immediately, and within the hour it took for our realtor to inquire and get back to us, it would already be in contract!) We wondered what could be wrong with this house that it would be just sitting there for so long... We made an offer, composed a letter to the owners to send along with the offer, and after some negotiations, we settled on a contract! The inspections all went well, and we set a closing date for the end of July. In the meantime in Germany, we were navigating e-learning for the first time. Five kids all with live Google meets that overlapped, limited bandwidth with our internet, and limited places for them to spread out in our little house...all while sorting and separating all our belongings into things to sell, donate, throw away, pack to go with us, send in unaccompanied baggage, or send with our household goods. We went through two waves of packers/movers. And we continued to try to keep connections strong with our friends and our kids' friends in the meantime without being able to see any of them in person. Bible studies and prayer meetings were through zoom. The transition of the PWOC board had to be recorded through zoom and shared through email and social media. I taught piano lessons through Facebook Messenger and my students and I put together a virtual end-of-year piano recital. The kids each chose a day of the week to be fully in charge of the kitchen--meal planning, cooking, and clean-up. I wasn't sure it would be sustainable or pleasant, but it ended up being THE BEST idea! We had so many wonderful family meals during that season of everything normal screeching to a halt. Our family drew together, and as hard as it was, I could see God's goodness so vividly through the forced stripping of everything "extra." Goodbyes were incredibly difficult, because not all of them could be said. We didn't get to see everyone, hug their necks, or experience closure in the places that meant the most to us while Germany and the Netherlands were our home. The chapel in Brunssum was like my second home, and I still feel like I just disappeared. The children's school, where so many firsts (and lasts) were experienced, felt like it was just ripped away...although we were INCREDIBLY grateful for the few teachers and families who went so far out of their way to see us--even at a distance--before we had to leave. Never have I so tangibly felt and seen just how much of a "vapor" (Ecclesiastes) this life can be. After many changes to our flights, we were finally transported to Amsterdam on Collin's birthday, and flew from there to Dallas the next day. We had our entire cabin on the plane to ourselves, so in many ways, it was the best flight we've ever had! So surreal, though. After a night in a hotel (which didn't feel like a night to jet-lagged us), we flew on to Fort Wayne the next day. In the background of all the things being handled in Germany, God was at work in Indiana paving a groundwork and providing for every need. My sister's in-laws "happened" to have a minivan that we could use free of charge until our own vehicle arrived. (We had to ship it by boat from the Netherlands.) The met us with that vehicle and their own at the airport, and helped us load and transport all our 10-ish suitcases to our Airbnb in Berne, where we would stay until we closed on our house 2 1/2 weeks later. The L family also greeted us at the airport! They'd made a sign congratulating us on our last PCS and officially became our first Indiana friends in that moment. I continue to be so thankful for them! The family who owned the Airbnb where we stayed is a gold star family; we had no idea until we arrived and saw the pictures and plaques decorating their basement (where we stayed.) There were memorials for him all around that tiny town, and it touched us deeply. Closing happened without a hitch on our new home, our first shipment of belongings was delivered a couple of days later, and we officially spend our first night the following week after some cleaning and basic set-up. A week or so later, the rest of our things from overseas arrived, and a few weeks after that, all the things we had in storage--from before we moved to England--were delivered. (I'm still not sure why in the world I stored some of the stuff that I did, but oh well!) We got the older four kids enrolled in school (Julia homeschooled that school year), and they all started on time on August 5th. Their transition and the whole saga of the schools is a whole post by itself, but you can imagine. Not all the high school credits that the girls had transferred (even ones that absolutely should have since the course descriptions were basically identical to classes they were forced to retake here). We are not in a community that is used to transient families...it's a small town where generations of families have lived since it was settled; many of these families are now related to each other; and apparently to a staggering number of teens here, my children living in Germany makes them nazis. (I wish I was kidding!) We have been complimented on how good our English is. We have been asked in Germany is near Brazil. I am just amazed...but not in a good way. We discovered that, in the last eight years, a flavor simply called "Sour Patch Kids" has infiltrated everything: cereal, yogurt, juice, snacks... There really IS high fructose corn syrup added to everything, and all food really does taste different. There is a paralyzing number of choices for every product, everything is loud, and everyone is in a hurry. Reverse culture shock is REAL. But, it was awfully nice to be able to find everything we needed quickly and simply, and to be able to ask questions in our own language. We found and settled into our new church within just a matter of weeks and have continued to get more plugged in as time has gone on.

Guten Tag, You Old Dusty Blog!

It's been a really long time since I've actively written on here. Basically, our traveling picked up a lot of speed our last year living in England, and being me, I couldn't post the pictures out of order. (*Gasp!* The horror!) This meant that all my posting got put on hold until I could weed through pictures dating back to November 2015! Then I got overwhelmed and decided I didn't need that kind of stress in my life, hahaha.

But now we've been living in Germany for nearly nine months, and I'm finding, just like with every other move, that I'm not all that great at figuring out where I fit in my new home and I'm a little slow to bloom. While there's always plenty to DO and I'm never ever bored, I do get lonely. Facebook offers some interaction. Even though social media has more pitfalls that I care to describe, I do appreciate its ability to keep me at least somewhat connected to humanity, mitigating my impulse to become a total recluse.  That said, sometimes I just have too many words. Occasionally I'll send some ridiculously long email to a friend, detailing the conflicts within my heart while also trying to express the joys we're experiencing in our journey to make our new home. The catch is that, even though my own life and social commitments are sort of stalled, everyone else's have continued on (as they should). As much as my loneliness and fragile emotions long to hear back from them immediately and in similar detail, I also would feel horrible if the time they took to do so took them away from their in-person interactions and obligations.

So instead, I guess that leaves blogging--kind of an open letter to anyone who is interested in the musings of a misfit American abroad.

So here I am! We arrived in Germany last August, and acclimation has been rougher than we expected. We struggled for almost two solid months to find a house, and while we love the location, the house itself has been a significant challenge. We have struggled to find a church home, and our isolation from other believers has been painful, discouraging, has left us confused about our purpose here, and it has been a constant source of concern about how to adequately meet the spiritual needs of our family. Between the struggle to make our house a home and to be spiritually at home here, I've discovered and tap-danced all over the very limits of my own strength, motivation, and resolve to be optimistic. While I can see there's been significant progress since we first arrived, my momentum and enthusiasm have waned, and it's a lot harder for me to see where or how things will get better "if I just keep _(fill in the blank)_." Most days, I feel like I'm drowning.

That's the raw truth, but as is true with most things in life, it's not actually that simple or cut-and-dried. Maybe I can process through some of it as I also get back into writing here...and maybe I'll intersperse those posts with backdated catch-up posts of our final year in England. Maybe that will help me find a healthy balance with reflecting back; too much reminiscing hinders forward movement and breeds discontent, but too little reflection can rob you of lessons and reasons and joys that can motivate perseverance.

Germany!

So much has happened since my last post. I do still plan to backtrack and catch up on posting pictures of our adventures from last November forward, but for now, I'll do a quick update on the last few months.

I'm pretty sure that everyone who reads this is aware that we received orders to move to Germany several months back. The spring was a whirlwind of trying to finish school and compile portfolios for each of the children (as we planned to put them into the international school near our new duty station), traveling around the U.K. as much as possible, spending every spare moment with our English friends-who-became-family, and trying to streamline the moving process as much as possible. I pretty much failed at the last one, but looking back, if something had to take a back seat, I'm glad that was it. I can purge and do sorting on this end; and even though it will make settling in a little more demanding, I have no regrets about the way we spent our time.

You'll all be happy to know that, even though we traveled through Calais on our way to Deutschland, we didn't encounter any problems or delays, and we didn't see anything that indicated cause for concern. Obviously, there ARE issues there, but God was gracious and gave us a very smooth, easy trip.

Our first impressions of Germany are really positive! We have been so touched by the friendly and accommodating nature everyone has exuded here. Although Germans, very generally of course, are a little less hug-your-neck, bless-your-heart, make-small-talk sorts of people than the stereotypical United States Southerner, no one has been unkind or rude. They have all been exceedingly patient with us in restaurants, shops, and grocery stores even though we're basically murdering their language; in fact, many are excited to practice their English and seem to prefer honing their own vocabulary, even if it's harder for them.

The food here is SO delicious. I like potatoes, but I didn't know there were so many ways to fix them! Same with cabbage. And schnitzel? And roasts? And sausages? Ohhhh...drool! I can tell that German Cuisine and I are going to get along splendidly. (However, I'm going to have to rekindle my relationship with Exercise.)

We finally found a house after three weeks of house hunting and a lot of disappointments. God was faithful to help us with our perspective throughout the process, and He protected us from discouragement. This isn't to say there were never moments when our hearts were a bit heavy, but they were moments...in particular, I find this amazing because wallowing has been a tough habit for me to shake, and this was a little victory in that department. Right now, we are in a holding pattern in the guest house while we wait for our new landlord to build a kitchen and get all the cleaning and repainting done to make it move-in ready. I can't wait to share pictures with you all!

We have visited two churches since our arrival here...and they are the only two protestant, English speaking churches we've been able to find anywhere within an hour's radius. We have conducted extensive searches of German-speaking and Dutch-speaking congregations, but have found that the area is very dry even in that sense. The protestant churches we've found, in order to have enough people to meet regularly, are a combination of all the protestant denominations, from Anglican to Baptist to Pentecostal to Presbyterian... Every one that I've found (and been able to either translate their web page or communicate with their pastor) is not, theologically, a place where we could join. The differences are pretty vast. This has been a sobering realization and has left us with a lot of questions about what the next three (or more) years will look like for our family. BUT...God knows. He has prepared the way for us, He will never leave us all alone, and He will equip us to grow and thrive and serve...it just seems like that will look much different than any place we've ever lived before.

Thank you, from the very depths of my heart, to all of you who have been lifting our family in prayer. God is answering them through the peace He's giving each of us, through His protection, through His provision, and we are so grateful. I'm looking forward, as we get more settled and our lives here begin to take shape, to sharing more about His goodness to us.

In the meantime, I'll try to catch up on almost a year's worth of pictures and adventures. *nervous, crazed giggle*

Ely with Mimi

(Posted 9/2/16, but backdated so I could find it.)

A lot of days in November were just business as usual: we had schoolwork to get through, Scott had to work, etc. We had some fun activities, though:

The egg on the right has no shell...we let it soak in some vinegar for a while. You
can't tell much in this picture, but the kids really found it interesting. You could see into it,
and it was (understandably) squishy...but the membrane was surprisingly tough!

You can sort of tell that the egg is translucent in this picture...but also the kids
are recording their observations of our recently hatched brine shrimp

We also managed a few field trips! We brought Zee with us on a tour of Ely and got to do our first tour through Oliver Cromwell's house. At the beginning of the tour, there was a video (pictured directly below) that briefly set the stage for the controversy surrounding this interesting character. "Hero or Villain?"

This was the kitchen where there were models of various foods that would have
been common. There were also printouts available of some recipes that Mrs.
Cromwell might have used. I picked one up, but I haven't tried any of them yet

Katy practiced writing with a quill and ink

 Everyone could get into character, including Mimi!

...I think Emily was channeling her inner Dracula. (Wrong region...)

I'm including this picture mostly because of the epic photobomb!

There's Oliver Cromwell behind the kids (who are imitating his expression.
They had fun checking every portrait and wax model for the wart on his face
(which, I think, they learned about when we went to Warwick Castle and saw
his death mask...)

Next, of course, we had to check out the amazing Ely Cathedral...but not before pausing at the Russian cannon.

I could never get tired of this place. So beautiful!

The famous octagon lantern

A few new statues in the Lady Chapel? At least these didn't have their
heads ripped off by the reformers. ;)

One of our family's favorite places to walk is out behind the cathedral. There
are some horses and donkeys that hang out in that pasture, but the view still
took our breath away even though we saw it so frequently. 

I'm so glad we got to share one of our favorite towns with Zee during her visit!

Tower of London (November)

One of the first places we took Zee, on Scott's first day off, was London! We took the train from Ely, experienced the Tube, and headed to the Tower of London. The children had been studying its history for school, so the timing worked out really well for that as well.

We picked up sandwiches to eat on the train (because I was not with it enough
to make that many before we had to leave.) Good thing, too. *MY* sandwiches
can't change lives...

The kids with our Yeoman Warder tour guide
He was great! He was very entertaining and informative, and he involved
our tour group a lot. (As a homeschool mom, I was especially proud and pleased
that the kids knew the answers to almost all his questions, even when no one
else in the group did. Yay, kids!!!)

The White Tower is on the right (with the flag), the building in the back is

The Waterloo Block, where the Crown Jewels are kept

We were there on Veteran's Day/the Day of Remembrance. 

We were able to go inside the St. Peter and Vincula Chapel, but no photography was allowed. Afterward, we watched the changing of the guard outside the Waterloo Block, where the crown jewels are kept.

Part of the changing of the guard ceremony 

We weren't allowed to take pictures of the crown jewels (but they were pretty
neat!), but this is where we came out. The monkeys on the wall (and many
other animal sculptures throughout the grounds) are maid of chain mail.

The cannon was pretty cool, but it's unfortunate that I didn't notice the
prominent litter bin right in the center of the picture...

That's the Shard rising up in the background

Some of the ravens! (We had just finished reading "The Ravenmaster's
Secret," which explained their presence!)
There's a legend that says that the Tower and the kingdom will fall if the 6
resident ravens ever leave the fortress, so there are always 7 kept on the
grounds--six plus one to spare. King Charles II was the first one to insist
on their protection, even at the protest of his astronomer who said the birds
interfered with his observations from the White Tower.
We didn't get to see them up close because their habitat was being renovated.

We were able to tour the White Tower
Lots of cool armor, both for people and horses 

This made us laugh, though in real practice I'm sure it was horrific. The sign
next to it read "Collar of Torment" and  talked about it's historic use for
torture, but it also said it was to "put around the necks of scolding or wayward wives."
Scott said he needed one of those…I rolled my eyes, scolded him, and walked away.
Just kidding. Mostly.

Cool dragon in the background made out of weapons from the armory

The kids watching a video about the Great Wars
(The Tower of London was one of the locations hit during the Blitz in WWII)

Traitor's Gate, built during the reign of Edward I to provide
a water entrance to the Tower.

We briefly explored the torture chamber before it closed.
Here's a replica of the Rack. It was morbidly interesting
to look at and read about all the devices they used…easy
to almost forget that they were really used on real people.
Ugh.

Queen Victoria?!
Oh, no. Just Katy in the gift shop. We were amused. (Ha!)

This was in motion so the executioner was continually chopping off the guy's head

I love this girl!!!

What a great group of people, even though I almost blinded them with the flash! 

Tower Bridge at night (well, at like 4:00 in the afternoon. Yay, November!)

The Tower from our walk back to the Tube station

There's so much history tied to this place, it's impossible to write about it all in one blog post, but it was a really neat trip and I'm so glad we got to do it. It was a long day with quite a bit of walking, but everyone handled it great!

The following week was filled with more soccer, the terror attacks in Paris and Beirut, and preparation for Emily and Katy's birthdays. (To be continued…)

Gearing up for November…and Mimi! (October/November)

(Just to reiterate, these are all posts from last fall…)
After Michael and Brenda headed back home, we hit school hard, had a fun Halloween...

Left to right: Elphaba, Ironman, Anna, a ninja, Princess Leia

…and then anticipated Zee's arrival! We were super excited to get to share some of England with her, too!

You would never know this lady had just stepped off an all night
trans-Atlantic flight…she managed to keep going the WHOLE day!
Took on jet lag like a BOSS!

Scott wasn't able to take much leave for the month of November, so we didn't take many elaborate trips, but we still got to see and share a lot…and Zee got to see and participate (a LOT) in normal, everyday life, homeschool, and activities. It was a huge help and a joy to have another adult around the house and to see the relationships blossom between her and the kids.

Mimi and Julia were especially close, spending most mornings together while
I worked on school with the older kids. Julia was like her little shadow!

Many evenings were spent at one or both bases watching the kids' soccer games…4 kids playing in the fall, 4 different teams. (It was busy, but it was a great season!)

Collin's team, "Orange Lightning"

Ian's team, "Blue Sharks"

Katy's team, "Hurricanes"

Not pictured: Emily's team, "Royals" (12+ year olds are hard to gather together for such things, apparently.)

For school, we had just finished reading a book about the Tower of London and some of the things that used to happen there. So, for our first outing all together, we headed down to London on the train, introduced Zee to the Tube, and toured the Tower. 

(Continued in next post…)